Time feels like it passes more quickly the older I get. Everyone says that. Just about everyone who says it laments it. I count myself among the lamenters because I hold tightly to the memories of golden hour summer afternoons and evenings processing through me like a full day. I watch Ever ride her bike and swing in the hammock beneath this lovely Pacific sun and I wonder if I’m watching more slowly passing time before me in her as I experience more quickly passing time in me. It’s a thought that makes me pause. And still, amid these metaphysical leanings, I also wonder this: perhaps she’s just better at staying present. Perhaps we were all better at staying present when we were younger. Time’s irrelevance and metrics don’t change, but our ability to stay focused and grateful and in it usually does.
In other news, but certainly related to Time: It’s Running Out, things out of DC have been even more anxiety-inducing than usual this week. Let us all stand in a figurative circle of prayer, vibrations, well wishes, and whatever else works for you and hope this all pans out ok. Healthcare should be a right, not a fight. I’d like to believe that no one actually wants people to go bankrupt or die for needing affordable treatment, but until we know exactly how this pans out, breaths will be held and I’ll keep my skepticism right here in my pocket where I can quickly reach it, thank you very much.
My kid is in an extremely part-part-time home daycare now and I’m getting ready to probably sign her up for a preschool, as well. With her food allergies in play, this is all pretty much terrifying. Yet somehow all of you food allergy parents before me do it and have done it and I commend you. It’s a true test of the psyche, community, faith, courage, and so many other things to put your child’s life in the hands of strangers. I don’t bother hiding my neuroticism on the subject; I don’t have a choice.
My dogs turned six recently and I actually bought a “Happy Birthday” helium balloon for the day. Granted, Ever is currently obsessed with “flying” balloons, so it was obviously actually for her, but it still makes me question what my life even is.
I deal with my worry brain in regard to The Big One earthquake by obsessing over … earthquakes. It might not make sense to a regular person who can take looming disasters in stride, but for the more maladjusted among us, I swear to god, this guy’s live stream is somehow soothing. A bell literally goes off every time there’s an earthquake. (Let ye among you who has not compulsively checked a feed that lets you know when the earth shakes anywhere on the planet immediately as it occurs cast the first stone.)
Because the unforeseeable is always imminent and I have songs I would rather not take to the grave, I recorded a bunch of scratch tracks a month or so ago. These are songs I’ve been working on for ages. I think they’re so much better than songs I released years ago, and yet I had so much more of an ability then to not question my work too heavily and just let it go to the world. I lack that ability in a big way now, comparatively. I’m unpacking that, but noting the funny associations between the work I’m most proud of and the time I’ve spent making it and my slowness to share it. If youth is wasted on the young, by all means, unchecked confidence is, too. I’m eager to share these songs – truthfully I am (and if you follow me on Instagram Stories, you’ll see that I share music every now and then). Perhaps my slowness is less psychological and more practical – a toddler shadow doesn’t make for good recording sessions; an exhausted mind and body pair mostly want to relax if the rare opportunity strikes; a floor-less house isn’t exactly the clean creative slate most conducive to productivity (though I’ve worked in worse conditions).
Speaking of floors: we’ve picked out some bamboo floors, brought them home, painstakingly loaded and unloaded the van twice, and peeked inside the box now. They are warmer than we expected, but will probably still do the trick just fine. In a perfect world, we would have just put some unfinished planks down and polished them up here in the house, but fumes/finishing with a small child and two dogs in the mix seems incongruous with reality. If time didn’t pass so damn quickly, maybe we could fit everything in and do it the way we want to do it, but alas, we’re working with limited free time, tight funds, and curious little creatures on the premises. One thing is for sure though: anything will look better than the mix of bare subfloor and disgusting stained carpet we have now. Anything.
(As I fixate on uncovering the cause of the plentiful and massive carpet stains in this house, a potentially useful clue was dropped in my lap recently: before we bought this house, supposedly, teenagers lived in it. Just teenagers. No adults. To possibly be continued.)
Speaking of funds, we have been spending most of ours of course on this here house and house-fixing project, but we have gotten out a little bit here and there in Portland. I don’t want to brag about the wonderful vegan options in this city, but hey, it’s justifiable, so I’ll brag. Having all of these choices is amazing. Having everyone everywhere we go take Ever’s allergies seriously makes it even that much more amazing. Some of our favorites places with great vegan choices so far are The Sweet Hereafter, Back to Eden, Petunia’s Pies & Pastries, A.N.D. Cafe, Homegrown Smoker Vegan BBQ, Harlow, Blossoming Lotus, Sizzle Pie, Devin’s Dive, Sushi Love, and Sweetpea Baking Co. Each and every one has kept Ever safe and done it with grace (special shoutout to The Sweet Hereafter for the kindness of kiddo cocktails).
And on a yummy consumption-related note: who wants to recommend their favorite Pacific Northwest Belgian style beers to me? Because I want to collect and drink them all, but mostly I come up with IPAs in this neck of these woods.
Once we get our floors down and our walls finally done, we’ll be sleeping on a mattress c/o Tuft & Needle (and our guests will, too!). I’m currently on an air mattress with a leak (hence the need for beer recommendations), so you can imagine how excited I am to get these glorious fluffy-but-firm foamy things out of their boxes and beneath me for the next third of my foreseeable future. More on that later.
That’s just about enough recent randomness for now, but below are some affiliate links to things I think seem nice.